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DO NOT HATE AUTISM

I was very annoyed to see a thread on the Autism Speaks Social Network pop up with parents on the forum stating their hatred for Autism. That irked me something chronic and I responded thus;

Everyone who hates Autism hates their children. You can't disentangle the two so don't try. Autism is a part of them - for life. You can improve the functionality, but that's all.

Make the commitment, people, for your child's sake. I think some of you already have and good for you. (ie Shannon above as well as a few others)
Timelord on the Autism Speaks Social Network on April 13, 2009

That started a furore when people complained and demanded the right to separate the two. You can't. I was particularly annoyed with this response;

I do hate autism, I DO NOT HATE MY CHILD!!!!!!!!!!!! (yes the caps mean I am yelling at you). Autism is not what make my child so wonderful and special. She is wonderful and special because she is my child. I would not love it if she were schizophrenic or depressed but I would love her. I do love her. But I do not love autism.
Mommyjen on the Autism Speaks Social Network on April 13, 2009

This is the whole problem. This woman is lying - to herself. Especially when she says that Autism doesn't make her child special. You bet it does!! An Autistic child - no matter what part of the Spectrum they are on - is special, and has a lot to offer. But that is blunted by judging the low functioning aspects in particular as all world bad. In other words - treating it like a disease. Now a disease should be treated separately, because it is externally produced. Multiple Sclerosis for instance is a disease that attacks the muscles (that answers the question put by another user).

After all the nonsense took out two hours of my day on Easter Monday I left this remark (which has been edited slightly) after telling Mare that the correct word is "accept" and not "love/like";

Life was not meant to be easy, and yet so many people are looking for an easy way out when there isn't one. Part of the early intervention process includes adjustment.

When will people understand the concept of hate and how it affects the kids? Mare presented a "hate" example. Being brought up to "hate". I for one would rather the next generation be people like Ari Ne'eman instead of Jonathan Mitchell for example. Those who accept their condition are far more likely to succeed. There are no guarantees of course (there never is in life), but you'd go with the better odds now wouldn't you?

Worst case scenario for the "hate" option - and this is going to upset a few people, I'm warning you now - is a mother who takes this line ending up being the next Trudy Walker. Now okay, we don't know whether Sky was brought up to hate or not for sure and we probably never will unless Sky is able to find a way to communicate. We can speculate all we want. But it's a possibility that can not be treated lightly.

The bottom line is that all options must be looked at to keep the Autistic kids as happy as possible. Hating the condition is the wrong way to go. It's frustrating for a parent, sure. I understand that. But letting that frustration rule your feelings on the condition is not a good thing, because it restricts your thought patterns to "getting my kid out of this NOW". And that's when mistakes are most likely to occur, and it's the kid who ends up suffering the most when that happens. Something that I think all of you parents would be keen to avoid.

Bluntly, sometimes I have to be rude to get this message across and it's a shame that I have to resort to such a tactic to get the message through. No hate should exist in a household that contains an Autistic child. None. Zero. Zilch. Not for the child, not for the condition, not for anything.
Timelord on the Autism Speaks Social Network on April 13, 2009

This is the whole point. Another member made the point about focusing on "hate". This is what parents who hate Autism do, and the child detects it and reacts accordingly. That's why there must be NO hate in the house. Any hate is bad and the child will react to it. Acceptance is the lowest level required and that's the minimum that should be aimed for. It prevents suicidal thoughts because if your child learns to hate Autism and they have it - inevitably they will learn to hate themselves at the same time. That's an attitude ripe for suicide down the track, because a person who hates themselves has low self esteem - something I for one don't have an issue with.

Self esteem is essential for one on the Spectrum. This applies to any condition that can make life difficult in general (of course difficulty depends on how you treat it yourself). A parent who teaches hate - even unintentionally - is a bad parent. I saw one comment that looks like it was deleted that put Autism behind all other factors in the child (child, brother, sister, son, daughter and all the other family aspects AND friends) which was a despicable thing to say. All of these things are an equal part of the child and should be regarded as equal in presence in the child.

Do not hate Autism. You don't have to love it or even like it. All you have to do is accept it and adjust accordingly at a minimum. The child will be better for it, and so will the parent of the child. And in the end that benefits everyone. Focusing on hate benefits no one. At all. And by saying "I hate Autism" that is focusing on hate. So don't do it.

Under any circumstances. Because it can kill.

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